Wedding and Israel

I spent a lot of time researching the best time to take my vacation this Winter. I negotiated with my managers over the course of three weeks before we settled on dates.
Finally, on November 1, 2010 I purchased my tickets to fly to Israel on January 23, 2011 and to New York on February 6, 2011.

I informed my parents and siblings of my plans and I let my ex-wife know that I would be unavailable during those two weeks.

One of my younger sisters decided to accept a marriage proposal just prior to Thanksgiving.
A couple of weekends ago she warned me that they were considering a January 30th wedding. I informed her that I already purchased my ticket and if they held it that date, I probably wouldn’t be there.

On Friday December 3, 2010 she informed that they did, in fact, book the wedding for January 30th.*

I didn’t want to change my plans, but I felt like I was “required” to research my options. I called the airline. They told me I’d be charged a minimum of $250.00 to change my flight plans.
I spoke to my management. They didn’t want to be blamed (how they phrased it) for keeping me from attending my sister’s wedding, so they agreed to re-open negotiations to plan my vacation dates. However, they made it clear that they wanted me to go on vacation sooner rather than later.

(Basically, they expect a lot of projects to begin in February 2011, so they want all hands on deck.)

I called my brother in Israel to find out what he was doing and to hear what he thought. He’ll be coming in for her wedding. He offered to let me use his apartment while he’s away (especially if his whole family travels with him). He agreed that I am not obligated to change my plans because they knew the situation before they chose January 30.

* When I ask people advice, they usually ask why is she getting married so soon after meeting the guy and why does she need to get married on that particular weekend?
I haven’t spoken to her about it. However, I think my dad is imposing his belief that engagements should be short. This belief might work for ultra-Orthodox Jews and its practice might be appropriate for people who buy into that way of life, but I think it’s a mistake for my sister.
My sister is a sincere, god-believing, ethical, Orthodox-practicing, commandment keeping person. But she is not ultra-Orthodox.
She should have a “normal” Orthodox engagement period of 3 to 6 month. I hope I’m wrong, but I believe that this shortened time line will have negative repercussions.

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5 Responses to “Wedding and Israel”

  1. Wicked Shawn Says:

    How on earth does someone even plan a wedding in 2 months??? Sorry, I know that comment doesn’t speak to your issues raised in the post, but it just kept going over and over in my head throughout the entire time I was reading!!

    • alarbean Says:

      I think there are standard packages. So, when you book the hall, you book their caterer and their menu (and possibly their florist/arranger).
      The main things are getting dresses and suits. 🙂

  2. Tanya Says:

    I don’t know much about Jews and their customs etc; but how long is an engagement suppose to last..I think I read somewhere that’s it’s advised that it should be a year so that you can see the person’s behavior during all seasons. How long has your sister been seeing this guy? I hope they’re aware of what they’re getting into…

    Alar, as it relates to your vacation, if you can’t get it changed, I suggest you go and have lots of fun..Don’t feel the least bit guilty, as you had informed her of your plans…I hope it works out though…

  3. Mark Says:

    She should have a “normal” Orthodox engagement period of 3 to 6 month. I hope I’m wrong, but I believe that this shortened time line will have negative repercussions.

    How much different could 3 months be from 2 months plus a week?


    • alarbean Says:

      A lot can happen in three weeks.

      I have to admit that my bias against marriage leads me to favor very long [eternal] engagements. Obviously, from that point of view, 12 months are better than 6 months; 6 months are better than 3 months; 3 months are better than 2 months and a week; 2 months are better than any shorter duration, including marrying the moment someone suggests they date.

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