Friday afternoon, I was in middle of dealing with two projects when my cousin-in-law calls me up. He tells me that a friend of his is visiting NY and needs a place to stay for the weekend.
I understood his question, so I told him no problem. (I have an extra bedroom, so it’s not a big deal. I just lose a bit of my freedom and I have to wear pajamas to bed.) He said they’d meet me outside of my office building in thirty minutes. When I meet them, I see she’s a young woman with about 5 pieces of luggage. (As my CIN describes it, “She brought her house!”)
“How long were you planning on being in New York?”, I ask.
“The weekend”, she answers.
I immediately sense that there’s something “off” about her. I don’t know if it’s her hooded eyes or her slow delivery of words, her lack of intelligence, her slow ambulatory gait, or something else, but I’m on guard and I stay that way the whole time she’s at my place.
I end schlepping her giant suitcase and 2 handbags perched precariously atop it a few blocks, down the subway stairs, onto the train, up the subway stairs, down another block, and up three flights to my humble abode.
After the grand tour of my McMansion, we settle down for day old pasta and “Star Dust”. The whole movie she’s texting and answering phone calls! (We even had to pause the movie a couple of times so she could move to another room and talk “privately”.)
Eight o’clock rolls around. We get back on the subway (sans luggage). I make my way to 2 Bros Pizza on St Mark Place followed by a comedy show, while she goes to the Bronx to sight-see. ?!?
After the show, I go home and I’m ready for bed by midnight. She doesn’t call until about 1 AM. She says she’s leaving for the train now and she’ll be back soon. I am forced to stay up until 3 AM, when she finally gets back to my place. (I couldn’t go to sleep because I knew she might call to say she was lost and because she didn’t have keys to my building or apartment. I didn’t want to risk sleeping through a call and having her stuck out in the cold all night.)
We didn’t wake up (different rooms) until Saturday afternoon. We went to KFC for a quick breakfast. She took off to explore the Big Apple while I went back to my place to meditate. Despite my suggestion that she send a text every couple of hours, I would not hear from her for another six (6) hours.
We met in the subway and made our way to karaoke where my CIL and her “boyfriend” joined us. (I put boyfriend in quotes because she’s apparently married to a Minister and has two (2) children.)
Partway through the evening, she and her “boyfriend” slip out of the karaoke bar.
When karaoke is done, at close to 3 AM, my cousin tries calling her. No response. He comes back to my place, because he wants to pack her up and onto a Greyhound immediately. Eventually, she returns as well, but she doesn’t want to leave. In fact, she wants to stay until Monday.
I tell her no, she must be out by Sunday afternoon and she reluctantly accepts it. (But not before laying a massive guilt trip on me. Fortunately(?), I have a Jewish mother and seven (7) Jewish sisters. Her simple gentile mind games are no match for my Jedi-like anti-guilt trip skills! 😉 )
I finally get to bed by 6 AM. However, by 9 AM I’m awake and anxious to have my own place again.
At 10:30 she comes into the kitchen and informs me that due to the Winter storm, Greyhound canceled her bus. She asked if she could leave her luggage at my place.
After calling Greyhound and confirming that she wasn’t lying, I told her she could pack her stuff into the guest closet, but I cannot be responsible for anything in there.
Finally, at 11:45, she left. But, without her luggage. The story is sure to have a sequel. Joy.
She somehow traveled to New York without money, so she borrowed some from me. I know I will never see that money again. I hope I never see her either.
One uninvited guest for two nights – $40 and a guilt trip.
Gifts or other non-cash payments for my troubles – None.