April 8, 2010

It’s been a while, so here’s a quick rundown.

I stopped wearing my yarmulke at work. Only one person noticed and said something to me about it. (I simply informed her that I’m no longer religious.)
I don’t feel strange going without my yarmulke on the street, but I still feel weird without it at work. I also feel more honest. It’s strange to simultaneously feel both.

Last week I came home to a bill from my cable and internet provider. They demanded that I return an old cable modem or pay $100. I don’t have the modem they seek nor do I feel I should be responsible for its return. After discussing it many times, they made it clear that they weren’t going to do anything to resolve the issue. I told them since that is true I can no longer work with them either and I am terminating my service with them. They “shut down” my service 2 days ago. However, my internet still seems to work. (I’m confused.)

Last week I was in a neighborhood bar. The very nice bartenders were speaking with me. The woman bartender told me she thinks I’m ready to start dating. She wants to meet women, go out, keep it light, have a good time.
I asked her to explain how she knows that I’m ready. She gave good reasons. Maybe she’s right.

Last week I got a text from my ex. She said our son has high levels of lead and needs to take a supplement.
I called her up and asked how she arrived at that diagnosis. She told me that a chiropractor had a guy read his palm and feel his fingers and that allowed him to reach the conclusion that the child has high lead levels. However, he assured her that his supplements can reduce the lead levels.
Of course these supplements are very expensive.
I told her to get a simple blood test done. That would prove conclusively whether lead is an issue.
She responded that if I wanted to do so, I could, but she wasn’t going to.
Sunday, Chol HaMoed (Minor Holidays), I took him to a real doctor. The results came back Wednesday. His lead levels are normal/undetectable.
I informed my ex of the results. I hope she saves her money and doesn’t buy the supplements. Aside from the money, I have no idea what’s in the supplements. The supplements might be dangerous.

I had the children (at my parents) Friday Chol HaMoed until the end of Pesach (Passover). I was nervous to have the children for so long. (Sometimes over a short weekend by Saturday night they are anxious to see their mother. I did not want to deal with “homesickness” for a period of double that time. As it turned out the children had a great time.
We celebrated mine and my youngest’s lunar birthdays. (Not the same day.) My siblings bought Passover cakes (dreadful) and the children loved them.

Tonight I went to karaoke. As I’ve been doing recently, when songs came on with a steady beat, I danced (not well, mind you). Dancing in public is resolution for 2010. Whenever I successfully dance in public, I feel a sense of accomplishment. Tonight, I asked a woman to dance with me. It didn’t really matter to me what she looked like or what her interests in me (zero, probably), the experience of asking a stranger to dance was positive. (By the way, she accepted in general, but declined for that particular song.)


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15 Responses to “April 8, 2010”

  1. Wicked Shawn Says:

    Sounds like holiday went alright overall. Sounds like work went okay, overall. Sounds like bartenders observation must have been accurate. Sounds like karaoke and dancing were a success. All seems to be well in your world. 🙂 Good thing.

  2. call me angel Says:

    well alar. i am sure you are ready to start dating. actually thought you were. i would encourage you more however i would love to save you for myself. lol

    • alarbean Says:

      I’m curious why _you_ think I’m ready, but I’d prefer to discuss that through email.
      You know you’d be miserable with me. My non-marriage policy and my lack of religion would bother you.
      I know I’d be unhappy living with someone as religious as you.

      But thanks for the compliment!

  3. s(b.) Says:

    Cool. 🙂

  4. call me angel Says:

    well i never lol…. you can publicly turn me down but i should discuss it in email. lol.. it must be fun to run ur own blog lol…you never know if you let me go you could fall in love with someone more religious than me you are taking a big risk lol..

  5. wonderingchicka Says:

    Good for you for having the courage to be yourself! I once upon a time worked for an orthodox social service agency and had to wear skirts every day. Everyone there assumed I was Jewish/religious. My parents are Jewish and they would consider me Jewish but I don’t consider myself Jewish and am definitely not religious. I felt like I was living a lie and it was really uncomfortable and stressful. Never again will I put myself in a position where I have to hide who I am and pretend to be someone else. You shouldnt have to either. Unless of course, you want to.

    You’re the only one who knows whether or not youre ready to start dating. If you’re talking about the bartenders at CrowHill- while they are nice (and two of them have nice boobs) they say A LOT of things, but the things they say arent always very helpful or true…

    • alarbean Says:

      Thank you!

      Pretending to live up to someone else’s “view” of how I should think or act doesn’t feel good.
      I feel more honest, even though each morning that I start out at work without my yarmulke, I wonder if anyone notices or is tracking me. But, I’m glad that I’m going without it now. I feel “real”.

      I think the bartender (at CrowHill, correct) made a good point. I haven’t reached a conclusion, but I think I do feel more comfortable around other people than I ever have before.

      (I haven’t noticed anyone’s boobs at CrowHill. I’ll probably have to keep my eyes open. 😉
      So far, I just like that they seem like nice people.
      Do you go there often? You can email, if you would rather.)

  6. wonderingchicka Says:

    Over time, you will stop wondering if anyone notices you because you’ll just feel so normal- just YOU. Also, over time, people WILL stop noticing anything. Because they will also accept that this is you. And really, do they care whether or not you’re religious? Besides for the Orthodox Jews at your work, I think not. But really, it’s just how you feel and what you want that matters. You’re the one who has to live your life after all- not them.

    CrowHill is a complicated kind of place for me… let’s just say there are all kinds of politics and it’s sort of the neighborhood gossip post. I used to be a regular but am not anymore. I’ll still go every once in a while though. They are nice people.

    Also, another thing to think about is what is your definition of “dating”? Is it the same thing that the bartender was referring to? What do you want out of dating? Fun? Sex? Commitment? Companionship? Friendship?

    • alarbean Says:

      I don’t think most people at work care about my religious status.
      I do feel judged when I’m in front the orthodox coworkers, but aside from double-takes, I really don’t have what to base it on. They probably haven’t really noticed either.

      I hadn’t considered that my presence at CrowHill would be the subject of gossip. I haven’t noticed much real gossip there. Sure, sometimes the bartenders tease each other, but it all seems playful.

      I’ve gotten to going 2 or 3 nights a week, but no set schedule. I like that they are local and relatively inexpensive. And, so far, super nice.

      Eventually, I view dating towards something long term.
      For now, dating would probably be more casual. Companionship and friendship would probably be one and two out of a relationship. Sex and fun could be an outcome of that.
      I’ve not dated since the separation because I felt like until I was able to be in a position to make the relationship serious, it would be lying to be involved sexually or romantically.
      A nice young woman at #bkblogs on Wednesday night told me that thinking is not true. A woman would not consider me a liar for starting out with her and then saying, “I like you and all, but you know what, I’m not ready for this. We are through.”

    • alarbean Says:

      I erred. “Making out” definitely has to come somewhere before sex and companionship.

  7. wonderingchicka Says:

    perhaps I’ll bump into you at CrowHill one of these days. Perhaps I already have 🙂

    Coming from an orthodox Jewish background, I too struggled with dating for a while. From an orthodox perspective dating is a very serious thing and comes with commitment. Even though I wasnt even religious at the time, the first guy I dated, I had a 5+ year relationship with! After we split, I still had that mindset about dating. It took me a few years to be more relaxed and have a broader and looser definition of dating. What I’ve learned though, is that dating does not require commitment- it can just be fun and feel good. Sex does not have to mean love or commitment either- it can be for mutual enjoyment and pleasure too. The most important thing is that both people are on the same page, open and honest about their wants, needs, and intentions.

    Also, after my major relationship ended, I had the goal of being in a long term relationship again, pretty much right away. But it didnt happen like that. At the point where I was able to let go of that goal and just let life take its course and enjoy the ride- that’s when I started actually enjoying the process. Looking back at the men I’ve been with since the end of that long relationship- the one night stands, the two week “relationships”, the 4-6 month relationships, etc, those were all necessary to get me to a point where I’m ready to really be in a long term relationship again. And I learned a lot about myself, life, relationships, etc from each one of them. All this to say, keep an open mind about everything and look for the lessons that life gives you. There are so many! 🙂

    • alarbean Says:

      Heh. If you see me at CrowHill, come say “hi”. (I almost always have a Mets cap with me.)

      Your journey is interesting. I’m surprised that you feel the shorter relationships helped you get to a place where you feel ready for a long-term relationship. Maybe, I’ve “cheated” myself out of that by not following that path earlier?

      I agree that sex does (and should) feel good. I can see how it can be viewed as an end in itself. In my experience, people who resolve not to get emotionally attached before they have sex, too often do feel that attachment. It’s okay if both feel that way after, but horrible (for both parties) when only one does.

  8. wonderingchicka Says:

    Yknow, I really believe that life takes people exactly where they need to go. Maybe you didnt/don’t need to go there. Or maybe you do and life will indeed take you there. Time will tell.

    If I see you signed in on Foursquare and I’m around, I’ll drop by CrowHill. Till then…

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