They drifted along, right past the sign announcing their exit from Unsome.
Immediately thereafter the road twirled and twisted, zigged and zagged, forked and spooned.
“Use the Centripetal Force”, muttered Obi as the car accelerated out of the turn.
Flu stuck out her tongue and eased off the gas pedal.
They were finally out of Unsome! Now they were in No-Person’s Land.
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“Look out for that deer!” cried Obi.
Flu, startled for a moment, yanked the steering wheel, causing the car to swerve. Fortunately, none of the cameras or cops caught it. Flu relaxed with the realization that it was just the after-effects of the sleeping pill.
“Welcome back” she said.
Obi stared silently out the window, his drug-induced drool sliding slowly down his chin. He nodded slowly and finally croaked, “So, just a few more miles to go?”
He changed the radio channel, replacing the soft, meditative radio static with the shouts of a used car salesperson. It was hard to tell the gender because the advertiser’s voice was booming and sped up.
“These cars are insane! I don’t mean the prices, I mean the cars! Last week I committed three of them for schizophrenia!
“Don’t walk or run to get these cars! Drive!
“If you can’t drive here, we’ll pick you up!” (This sentence was at least double the speed of the previous sentences.)
“President Ford demands that you drive a car! Governor Toyota and LeBaron Chrysler agree! So be patriotic and say buy, buy, buy to your bikes!”
For a moment Flu regretted not hooking an IV into Obi’s wrist while he was passed out, but then Obi pointed out the almost invisible exit they needed and she was thankful for his company.
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“It’s unbelievable how unreal Unsome is!” exclaimed Obi.
For the past two days he’d been prattling on about Unsome. Flu was, frankly, getting tired of it. She tried Kit Kats, Rolos, Milk Munch, and even Rice Crispy Treats, but none of it worked.
Obi was obsessed and she couldn’t stop him. Finally, she slipped him a sleeping pill and he slipped off to sleep.
She drove. In the distance were fields of purple and white. Gold lined the highway. Trees grew in orderly sequential designated areas on the sides of the road.
Unsomes liked order and discipline.
A day earlier the duo stopped off for a movie. The server provided them with popcorn in a square container. Not one kernel fell out. A machine precise filled the soda to a line marked on the paper cup. The movie was heavily edited to fit exactly 100 minutes and to remove any scene that depicted a chaos or someone making a mess.
Flu chortled to herself as she drove. “Snicker-snack” said the windshield wipers. A fine mist kept Unsome moist. Every time she managed to clear her mind, the words of her grandmother came galumphing back.
Every instinct told her to step on the gas and get out of Dodge, but the speed limit said “32 MPH” and she wasn’t going to risk going faster or slower!
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The soldier looked focused. He fit the stereotype whispered in all the children stories of yore.
(“Unsome soldiers are chosen based on their ability to focus on the silliest of fine-print rules.”
“Yes! I heard they feed them spaghetti and Adderall, so they’ll focus better.”
“My mother said that if they blink, they are automatically disqualified.”
“My grandfather once saw a staring contest between an Unsome soldier and a goldfish. The fish lost!”)
On and on went the stories. Who knew if any of them were true, but at this moment, as they watched the soldier get closer and closer to their car, they felt that each could be true.
“License, registration, retina scan, insurance card, and DNA sample”, said the soldier.
He watched them as Obi and Flu poked and prodded for their papers. He didn’t look away as he handed them to a second officer. Obi and Flu smiled nervously at the officers.
The second soldier didn’t look up. He pulled out a magnifying glass and studied their documents carefully.
After a few moments, he pulled out his radio and spoke into it.
A third soldier appeared. She took pictures of their vehicle from every angle.
Four soldier drove over in a Humvee, sirens wailing. They jumped out, semi-machine guns raised. Obi and Flu felt their stomachs plummet.
The first soldiers listened as the second soldier whispered something, then raised his arm. All the soldiers stopped in place.
“Your retina scan is almost expired. You should update them immediately. We will let you go this time.”
He handed a book of rules and regulations to Obi. Flu sighed in relief. They passed the first checkpoint. Only 3 more of these until they pass into Unsome.
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Spoilers! (You’ve been warned)
I didn’t like “The Rings of Akhaten”.
Here are some reasons:
1. Children
2. Singing. Really? So much singing.
3. The secret song to open the secret door to make a secret escape is “A-a-a-a-a”?
3b. Why is there a secret door when the Vigil can apparate. Also, why is it needed when the main door can easily open?
4. The door changes its combination millions of times a minute, but the sonic screwdriver can find the combinations quickly enough?
5. The door is heavy? WTH? How does the mass of the door make a difference to the doctor?
6. Sure. Let’s go on a flying moped instead of taking the Tardis even though we had to the rent the moped by giving away a memento from a deceased relative.
6b. How can a moped keep up with a beam carrying a single child?
7. Way too religious/spiritual. What happened to science?
8. The leaf somehow tells infinite stories but nothing else does? Everything has infinite possibilities. (My shirt, for example, might have been made into your shirt, a completely different article of clothing, or just burned up in a field fire.)
The ending didn’t resonate with me.
I watched and waited for something interesting to happen and I was disappointed. The episode never really started. I was severely underwhelmed.
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I am leaving politics and reality aside for a moment. I want to explore this without any practical, real-life application. The third question is the most practical question and it also meant theoretically.
Question 1: Should someone who hustles, works more hours, works with more dedication, etc be rewarded more than someone who does not?
Clarification: This does not mean the person does a better job, is smarter, or is more efficient.
Question 2: Should there someone who refuses to work or works without vigor be unrewarded?
Clarification 1: This is not including people who are incapable of doing any work.
Clarification 2: This question is not addressing whether there is opportunity or need. When responding to this question, assume that the person in question is capable and is currently employed.
Question 3: Does the government’s payments to individuals and larger entities (companies, countries, etc) encourage or teach them to conform to government desires?
Question 4: Should the government encourage non-productive people to kill themselves?
Clarification: Non-productive people are incapable of working in any capacity.
Question 5: Should the government encourage people to be non-productive?
What do you think?
They stopped off for lunch at a roadside mall. They’d passed scores of them since their journey began, hours earlier. Each mall was identical, featuring a McDonald’s, Subway, Popeye’s, with a sprinkle of Taco Bell. The crowd wasn’t too large, so they sat down and enjoyed their sandwiches. A TV nearby was set to a news channel. They watched a report of how Check had been bombed by Tiddly in response to a terrorist attack perpetrated by the insomniac militias of Iwalk and Isleep. The Check monarchy (known as the First Mate, or Mate for short) was calling for UZI (United Zones International) condemnation and sanctions against Tiddly. Tiddly’s Prime Minister, with one eye perpetually closed, decried the violence and pledged an investigation into how someone could steal their army uniforms and missiles. He denied all allegations and demanded an apology from Check’s Mate.
They spent the first half hour following lunch on an intercity highway. It passed the same as the previous hours, but then they reached the exit for Unsome.
“Remember to buckle your seat belt” said Flu as they entered the exit lane.
“Thanks. I have it on” said Obi as they decelerated to 15 miles per hour, exactly as the sign instructed.
“Do you think all those stories of Unsome are true?”
“That they are sticklers for rules and will arrest anyone, including the King’s best friend, for minor offenses?”
“Yes. I heard that also. Do you think it’s true?”
“I doubt it. I’m sure the famous poem is only propaganda.”
“It’s a poem?”
“Yes, we learned it in social studies class. I’ll tell it to you.”
Obi recited the famous poem of Unsome as they pulled off the highway and road the exit into Unsome.
Unsome:
I was sitting in the mud,
Waiting for that moment to come,
When I could join my friends,
In the land of Unsome.
I was exiled many years ago,
And now the years drag by so slow.
I was caught and tried,
For by the rules, I did not abide.
Life, the sentence would stand,
Yes, I would be totally banned,
From the land of Unsome.
From official to official I begged,
Please make the punishment end,
The answer was “nay”, I would have to stay,
With no hope for me to return,
To the land of Unsome.
Money was given as a bribe,
To erase my terrible crime,
But to no avail, my home was my jail,
And no way for me to return,
To the land of Unsome.
One day my friend became King!
My heart began to sing.
Now I’d return, to the land that I yearn,
The land of Unsome.
My friend said, “Sorry, no dice.
I just cannot be nice.
Your crime is a shame,
but I just can’t take the blame,
If we start having JAYWALKERS
In the land of Unsome!”
“Amazing” said Flu.
And then they both fell silent when they saw there was a roadblock and a soldier was approaching their vehicle.
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Sunrise greeted them as they entered a local convenience store. A minute or two later they saw emergency vehicles, with their rotating lights, whiz by.
Flu used her credit card to open a browser on a convenient computer. She put their birthdays and tried some key words, like “missing”, “kidnap”, “adoption”, and even “danger”, but her results were not encouraging. While she was browsing a pop-up advertisement appeared.
“Searching for something you lost or you want to lose? Are you wasting time on search engines when you could be engineering the time of your life? Why bother struggling in the proverbial dark when you could be free with Dr Dark (PhD)? Dr Dark has offices in Northern Southland, just west of Unsome.”
Flu showed the ad to Obi. They both agreed that the ad was a sign that they should heed. And so, despite the trouble of passing through Unsome, and everyone knew that was harrowing indeed, they cast their lot with Dr Dark and prepared to journey.
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The next 48 hours were a blur of dealing with the Death Squad – the Medicine Woman, the undertakers, the florists, etc – but even that ended; Flu and Obi found themselves alone in Grandma’s house. They were comforting each other over her loss when the discussion turned towards her final words and their future. Flu had seen how uncomfortable Grandma had been in those final days and was certain that the words were not of stable, lucid mind. Obi was even more certain that Grandma’s last words were not to be taken literally or seriously. And so, the two were determined to continue with their regular lives and their regular jobs despite the exhortations and the death of their grandmother.
The duo might have continued that way if not for a house call from the Medicine Woman a fortnight after Grandma’s untimely passing. It was midnight when the knock came. It was three minutes after the bewitching hour when Obi, disheveled and still covered in the dust of sleep, peeped through the door-hole and invited Medicine Woman Scarlett into their home. Two more minutes passed while Scarlett got comfortable – enough time for Flu to find her way down to the living room.
“To what do we owe this great honor?” asked Flu
“What a beautiful home Grandma left to you.” Flu and Obi nodded their thanks for her recognition. “However, you must leave it. Before the sun does rise, you must be gone.”
Flu and Obi exchanged a concerned glance and then alternately they addressed her. “What is going on? Why must we leave? Where would we go? What happens when the sun rises?” Scarlett gave them a mournful look, shook her head, and stood up to leave.
Four hours passed while Flu and Obi packed their things and prepared for their journey. The conversations with Grandma and Medicine Woman Scarlett convinced them they had 46 days to find their real parents.
But who were their parents? Where were they? How should they even begin to look?
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Once upon a time (for that is how all great stories begin) in a land far, far away there was an old woman on her death-bed. Gathered around her were her grandchildren, Flu and Obi. They each kissed her lovingly on her cheek, for she had raised them from a very young age and they loved her, and they waited for her last words.
Grandma whispered to them the secret that she’d been holding for two decades, the secret they had always deserved to know, but she’d never found the right time to tell them. This was her last chance to tell them and she was determined not to squander the last breathes with sentimental words when such important information had to be told.
“Flu”, she coughed out, “the truth is you are not my granddaughter”
“Obi, I’m not your grandmother either”
Flu and Obi thought she was delirious so they tried to comfort her.
Grandma silenced them with a raised finger and repeated the idea. “Your real parents were in grave danger, so I took you in, but you must find them after you turn 21. You have one month from then to find-”
Grandma’s final word was ‘find’
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